First off…this post is for GROWN WOMEN. If you’re not grown, don’t read it….
With that being said, I have to address the issue of us girls not having orgasms.
Having an orgasm is like the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow…the trophy you get for winning the race…it’s not the icing on the cake, it’s THE CAKE! You know it’s a shame that many women don’t experience orgasms during sex which further decreases a woman’s desire to have sex. Recent studies have shown that 10% of women have never had an orgasm (OMG), and 75% of women do not have orgasms during intercourse. So, as you can see this is an epic problem.
Many women view sex as work and not having an orgasm is like going to work and not getting a paycheck. Who wants to do that? Well, we need to start reaching our peaks ladies. Having orgasms will certainly make sex more enjoyable and it will help to curve some of the reluctance to sex that’s killing our libidos. Also, during sex our bodies release oxytocin which is a chemical that it makes us feel connected to our men thereby increasing the quality of our relationship.
Now, if you are a healthy woman (not on any medication or any extreme hormonal conditions), then your lack of having orgasms is purely mechanic and psychological. It’s not your man’s fault ladies…you have to help him. It’s called TEAMWORK! A man cannot make you have an orgasm…he can FACILITATE (meaning he can help), but ultimately you have got to do what you need to do, to get where you’re trying to go.
So here are a few things from my experience that can help you to reach the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
Mentally Attend the Love Making Session
While you are having sex, you need to be there…I mean mentally. Don’t think about everything that needs to be done, the errands you have to run tomorrow, or even about how he just left his socks in the middle of the floor. Don’t think about how the rolls on your back or the jiggle of your thighs. These are all psychological distractions. Think about the intimate moment you all are sharing. Visual him inside of you. BE MENTALLY PRESENT.
Speak Up
On average women speak about 20,000 word per day and men speak about 7,000. However, when it comes to sex, you won’t say a word. You won’t tell him the things you like and don’t like. Open your mouth girl. When he does something you like, tell him to “do it again”, “keep it right there”, and “don’t stop”. Many women experience flashes of pleasure during sex; however, because they don’t speak up, they are only flashes that don’t last. Speak up girl! Like I said, he FACILITATES! Guide him on how he can HELP you. Most men like it when a woman gives them guidance. They want you to get there! It makes them feel manlier.
Have a Pre-Party (Foreplay, Soothing Shower, Massage)
Before beginning your love making session, have a pre-party of foreplay, a soothing shower, or a massage. You can do one or all of them. This will help you to relax and get you in mood. Now let’s be real…you aren’t always going to have the sensual foreplay or the seductive massage before sex. Time doesn’t always allow for that. However, sometimes, you need to give your body and mind a chance to get in the mood. You need to be primed. Most men don’t need to be primed. They are pretty much 2 seconds from READY most of the time. But you need to speak up (there it is again), tell him to take it slow, and let him prime you. This will help to get your mind in a more relaxed state with less chance for psychological distractions.
Tense Up and Thrust
Okay, so this is going to sound contradictory to what I have previously written concerning relaxing, but you need to tense up. When I say tense up, I mean your pelvic muscles. You cannot just lay there during sex and expect to have an orgasm. During intercourse, try and flex your pelvic muscles. These are the muscles that control your urine flow. Exercises for these muscles are called Kegels. So, essentially, you should perform Kegels during intercourse. Also, try thrusting your pelvis and tensing up your butt and lower ab muscles.
Contracting your pelvic muscles, thrusting your hips, and tensing your muscles will increase the blood flow to your genital area which is critical for arousal. And as you know, arousal is the gateway to orgasms.
Diversify to Satisfy
If you and your man utilize the same position during sex, then you may need to diversify so that you will be satisfied. Change positions! Physically, your clitoris must be stimulated to have an orgasm. If the position you are currently using isn’t doing it for you, change it up. Maybe you guys need to do a 180 and you get on top. Don’t be afraid to try something new.
Let Go
The bottom line is that you need to let go. Stop thinking about what is going on outside of the bedroom, what you look like, how fat your thighs are, how silly you sound, what you have to do tomorrow, what you shouldn’t have eaten for lunch…forget everything. Get in the moment girl. Let him prime you with a massage, clear your mind, thrust your hips, tense your pelvis muscles, and tell him what you like to reach the gold at the end of the rainbow.
You already have things like stress, being overworked, being tired, and feeling self-conscious about the way that you look working against your sex drive. Don’t allow a lack of having orgasms be another inhibitor of your libido. Sex is important in a loving stable relationship because it strengthens the emotional bond. It also should be gratifying for him and YOU! Take my advice and try some of these recommendations and see if they help you to experience an orgasm, or at least find more pleasure in love making.
If you like this post, or if you didn’t like this post SPEAK UP! Let me know. Send me an email melinda@libifit.com
Till Next Time,
Melinda