Have you ever pondered what unconditional self-love really means? Is it difficult for you to fathom loving yourself without limits? Well my friend, reading this article will put you one step closer to a life-changing understanding. Every mantra that has ever adjoined you to, ‘love yourself’ will now make perfect sense.
Unfortunately, no fireworks or dramatic pause may accompany this revelation. But honestly, it should because learning to love yourself without boundaries can open up so many possibilities in life! So here’s everything you need to know about loving yourself unconditionally…
Meaning of “Unconditional Self-Love”
Unconditional self-love means accepting your shortcomings and flaws as true and loving yourself anyway. As the phrase suggests, you have to look past your perceived inadequacies and love despite them. This rings true for people who struggle with their general appearance and choices.
Rather dwell on what you think should be your ideal look, size, and body type, appreciate what you’ve got. If you don’t, you create room for self-doubt and shaky esteem. Dwelling on what is not present, will leave no time to learn to love and accept who you truly are.
Unconditional self-love is the cradle of confidence. How could anyone would walk through life ready to blaze trails except for the one who understands and accepts themselves? Ask for to see a happy person and you would see someone who is overtaken with self-acceptance.
Cultivating Unconditional Self-Love In Spite of Your Appearance
You automatically feel confident when you wear a pretty dress or beautiful style. When you feel that you are “slaying”, you just feel different. Unfortunately, self-love is not something you gain with a new pair of heels or a sexy dress. It is not something money can buy or that possessions can give to you. And neither is it something your number of likes, follows, and comments on social media can give.
Here is a great article on how to avoid allowing social media to make you feel bad about yourself. https://thoughtcatalog.com/elysejackson/2017/01/read-this-if-you-feel-like-social-media-is-making-you-depressed/
Unconditional self-love is an in-depth appreciation of our bodies, strengths, and imperfections.
To override your lack of confidence when you feel you aren’t pretty enough, skinny enough, or thick enough, here’s a formula. It’s simple. First, find something to admire yourself about. Most people have something on their body they like. If your stomach is a little pudgy, but your eyes are beautiful, focus on the beauty in your eyes and not your stomach. When you look in mirror, don’t criticize yourself, praise yourself. Not in an arrogant conceited way, but in a way to highlight your areas of beauty.
Also, think about what you are good at. Remind yourself of your strengths. Even if they are small. If you are great at being a mom, then tell yourself, I am a good mom who gives my all. Or, if you are a great problem solver or listener for your friends, thrive in that. Whatever it is, know your strength. Understand that your confidence can grow from all those things too.
It might take several conversations with your mirror but you will eventually win. Then you’ll understand that your appearance is but a tiny part of you and shouldn’t influence your confidence. Because acceptance is key to unconditional self-love, you’re only truly practicing self-love when you love despite your appearance.
Foster Unconditional Self-Love In Spite of Past Failures
There are several lessons to learn from failure. But we’re often consumed with disappointment and self-pity that we never learn them. Tying your self-esteem to your successes and accomplishments can be dangerous. The effect is that when you don’t succeed, you fall into a well of self-beating. This well may be bottomless and you may never pull yourself from it.
How do you circumvent this? Learn to forgive yourself. Whenever you fail, do not roll in the ashes of misery forever. Pick up whatever lessons you can from the ash and dust yourself. Tell yourself you didn’t fail, you LEARNED!
But in all honesty, you would only be able to do this if you adjust your mindset to failure. And what is the ideal mindset to failure? Understanding that failure is a normal process for growth. Accepting and understanding this would help you react more positively towards failure.
Doing this is one way to practice unconditional self-love. You cannot claim to love yourself when you still magnify past failures and as a result demean your self-confidence.
Developing Unconditional Self Love In Spite of What Others Say
Many people still struggle most with this one. They hide from the limelight and often sell themselves short because they are afraid. They’re afraid of people’s opinion of them and scared that they would not measure up.
It’s easy to flip your hair and claim other’s opinions do not matter. But if you’re constantly seeking validation and approval, you just might care more than you think. And frankly, no one solves a problem by not acknowledging it.
One way to deal with this particular situation is to recognize what the people who say mean things about you really mean to you. You may realize that most of these people are people you don’t care about. And because they matter little to you, their opinion of you is of no consequence. If the people do mean a lot to you, understand that you don’t mean the same to them. Walk away!
Hopefully this prompts you to think about toxic people in your circle. It takes tact and courage but you should cut them all off, literarily. People will always talk but you should learn to live above the chatter. Love yourself by extricating yourself from such situations. Show unconditional self-love by never validating yourself through their words.
Embracing Unconditional Self-Love In Spite of Your Current Situation
If you’ve ever hit an all-time low, you know the depression and self-pity that comes with it. Whatever may be the cause of your situation, learning to practice self-love despite it is good advice. Imagine if self-love was something you only practiced when the goings are good, would that be healthy? If you are currently unemployed, single, divorced, broke, whatever the case, love yourself.
You have to learn to love yourself irrespective of your current situation. Be committed to self-growth and self-care despite the odds against you. Hold your head high, breathe, and thrive. As an old gospel song we used to sing church said, “I’m so glad, trouble don’t last always.”
7 Practical Ways to Develop Unconditional Self-Love
To be effective in this lifelong love story with “you”, here are some practical ways to help you.
1. Override Your fear
Harboring petty fears can be bad for your self-love journey. Whether it’s the goosebumps-inflicting type or paralyzing fear, you have to beat it. Loving yourself entails letting go of your fear.
Fear is an illusion that keeps us trapped in stagnancy. Therefore, learning to overcome your fear is a step in the right direction to self-growth. Don’t be afraid to fail. Understand that you will either succeed or LEARN…not fail!
2. Stop Making Self-deprecating Remarks About Yourself
Your journey towards unconditional self-loveis propelled forward by never make self-demeaning comments about yourself. You may often catch yourself saying things like, “I’m terrible at this”, I look fat in these pants,” or “I don’t like my hair.”
Rather than saying these things and ruining your self-confidence, make positive self-affirmations. Say things like, “I am beautiful,” “my hair always looks good on me,” “I am loved,” when you do this, watch your self-confidence reach an all-new high.
3. Enjoy Your Company
If you’re going to be deliberate about loving yourself, one way is to spend time with yourself. If you’re in a relationship, you’re going to spend time with the other person to strength the bond. Loving yourself is no different. In the same manner, you need to spend time with yourself, alone. Girl have a party of one!
Take time out from the buzz of social media and the news and enjoy your company. Have a glass of wine. Get a massage, or just have quite time. One great thing you can do when spending time with yourself is journaling. You can journal your way into self-discovery. There are several self-love journals prompts to guide you. Meditation is another way to spend time with yourself. It is also very therapeutic.
Here is a great article on 50 self-love journal prompts. Grab a journal on Amazon and commit for 50 days to journaling on self-love. https://www.libifit.com/self-love-journal-prompts/
Set aside some time in your routine dedicated to just you. Unconditional self-love requires you learn to enjoy your own self.
4. Exercise Your Body
Exercising your body is one way to practice unconditional self-love. It keeps you fit and healthy and able to take on life’s struggles. Workouts are also recommended because they make you feel good. When you work out, your body releases a hormone called endorphin. This hormone is called the feel-good hormone.
Exercise also decreases the stress hormone called cortisol. Therefore, you’re less prone to stress and more relaxed and happy. Love yourself enough to make time to exercise. We are all busy. However, saying, you don’t have time to exercise is saying, you just don’ have time to love yourself.
5. Leave Toxic Relationships
Your best ticket to unconditional self-loveis by surrounding yourself with positive people. These are people who encourage you and are committed to self-growth too. Try to identify the toxic people in your circle and slowly pull away.
We tend to fall into the misconception that we need several friends. But if you have a few genuine people in your corner, they are worth a thousand friends!
6. Engage in Your Hobbies More
If you live a fast-paced life, you’re most likely to be living a stressful life. Are you a workaholic often driven to several hours of work? Too much work can take its toll on your health. Learning to know when to stop and take a rest is self-love.
Rather than burying your nose at work all the time, engage in your hobbies. Try to engage in those activities that give you joy. Learning to relax and have a good time is necessary for your health.
7. Love Yourself The Way You Love Others
It is easy to love others and never imagine that we need to extend the same love to ourselves. We love our children, our parents, friends, spouses, and partners and give ourselves to them totally. There is no shame in that, we should do those things. However, we should always love ourselves as we love others. You make sure your kids are prepared, well rested, and secure. Do the same for yourself. You may be a caretaker for your parent. The same care and concern you give them, give it to yourself…or at least a portion of it. You don’t neglect the people you love so don’t neglect yourself.
Conclusion
Unconditional self-love will drive you to new heights of self-growth and self-care. And frankly, the relationship with yourself is just as important than any external one. And loving ourselves makes it easier for others to love us. This love for self is like a radiant light that shows the very best in us.